...continued madness.....

Hello Again.

Since yesterday afternoon , when I started rambling nonsense about space and atoms, I have continued to confuse myself to the point where I hope I can now be calm. After attempting to sleep for quite some time last night I was forced to eventually get up, put on a light and sit in an early morning trance.

I get fairly obsessive about a lot of things, loose a lot of sleep and look grizzly for days on end, but these are usually things like recording music, my own personal future, experience and relationships with others. But over the last couple of days increasing thoughts about the size of the universe and such like has pushed my craziness buttons to new extremes. But in the end, out of all of this I think surprisingly what I have come away with is a slight opening towards religion.

I can't get my head around the idea of something being infinite, so lean towards the idea that this universe or cosmos even, I dunno really, having had a start. And I suppose ultimately having an end. But what starts EVERYTHING? If the universe started with the big bang, with a tiny pin sized spec that contained the means and tools to create everything just blowing up and expanding beyond reason, then what made it start. I have read some other theories about how it might have all kicked off, but with every new one I have to keep asking why the first action happened, I feel like a four year old child, constantly repeating myself. Maybe something did intentionally start it all, a creator? But it's nigh on impossible to take in any idea of an overall god when the religions we are fed these days consist of fairy tales and huge amounts of utter nonsense.

I think I may have settled down a bit now, with every thought coming to a dead-end I have to give up, I am never going to have the means to go back billions of years to see the start of it all, to ask questions back then, and in my life time I wont ever be able to travel to the furthest reaches of the universe to see whats going on there. It's a bit of a nuisance, but one we all have to suffer. Human life looks to be a tiny ink dot on the long, long rope of time, so we just have to fire on with it. All we appear to have for certain are our senses, keep them all happy and tingling for as long as we are alive, then maybe we'll get some answers when we croak, or maybe the lights will just go out forever, we will never know. But thankfully the thing that turns me on the most is music, and I get to make it and perform it so I can be a happy little beaver for now.

At least I now have a hobby when I'm not playing music. Part-time geek.

xxx