Balmy Nights and Dream Filled Days

I'm a borderline insomniac at the best of times, work, gigs, rehearsals, accidental drunkenness and a small social life all play their part, but over the last week or two I've taken the recommended number of hours and laughed in their face. On the odd occasion when I am left to my own devices to nab a few hours I find myself laying awake, twitching like Ian Curtis during a severe bout of bed bugs.



I blame this damn band. Since recording our latest demos my nightly attack is usually concerned with who to send demos to, whether they will actually get listened to and if so what are people going to think. Before that I was bothered by what songs to record, we have many, but what combination of four songs would create a beautiful 15 minute intense blast of what we are all about? It's not fun.



You constantly hear major bands and recording artists saying how they don't care what others think and that they don't bother reading their reviews and the likes, but I can't help thinking this is a load of balls. I follow this rule to a certain degree, when making music and writing I couldn't give a toss about anyone else, and when playing I don't care to act in a manner which pleases others, doing what the fuck we want is a prime aspect of this band, we could play certain songs and do certain acts (I don't mean fellatio) which would make lots of people jump up and down, but we wouldn't be doing what WE want. Surely honesty is the most important aspect to any good music.

But sadly I do care, once the songs are written and recorded I want people to understand what they are about and where they come from. If someone has a particular argument about why they are shit I want to be able to tell them exactly why they can fuck off. I'm sure that if we "make it" I will care less, as I wouldn't need to give a shit anymore, once you have a platform you can just let the music do the talking, but being the little guy you always have to be prepared to fight your corner. Something I shall gladly do.

It's a major character flaw, I'm sure of it, but one that's not going away anytime soon and although I may now resemble a scruffy, red eyed sleepless monster, I'm sort of glad it's there.

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